Saturday, April 16, 2005

Tina Tina Tina

Well This is the place where i'm most honest so here it goes!

This past Month or so, Give or take, I have gotten myself addicted to a lil drug...my friend, Crystal...or also known as Speed, Ice,Meth, Tina whatever you want to call it.
Its still Methamphetamines. I fell in a love/hate relationship with Tina because When you are using you feel like you can conquor the world, everything that once seemed overwhelming and impossible now became doable..taking my care of my kids was sooo easy and plus i would stay up for days and days at a time and i loved that, anything to keep away my constant nightmares i normally had.
The hate part about it is, it was driving a wedge between me and the people closest to me that didn't use drugs, it made me a liar (b/c i was lying about using), it made me cold hearted and thoughtless to others (the people i loved) . Everytime i used was my last time.
Finally I woke up one day and said enough was fucking enough!! I have been clean for just about 2 weeks now, tho it doesn't seem like a long space of time but considering i was using 3 sometimmes 4 times a week! i guess i have made improvements, I have went thru tremendous amount of withdraws and it hasn't been an easy road at all!!
I may yet still have some problems with the withdraws and im not sure how strong and for how long i will be, but I will give it my all!!!

P.S.
I think i'm also getting evicted...not sure yet i will know for sure on the 27th.

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